FF7 - The RAP!
by neored13
Summary: Word up! The Boyz from AVALANCHE are here to rock the house!


Okay, this is going to be weird. I have no experience with rap, but I figured it would be funny to write a rap for AVALANCHE and the rest of the 7 crew. Chalk it up to watching SNL's "Rap Street" sketches while playing 7. Here goes...  
  
Cloud:  
Yo! My name is Cloud, I got big hair,  
And I've dressed in girl's underwear!  
But I'm not queer, just so you know,  
It was to save my gal from Corn-y-O!  
  
I'm in AVALANCHE, the badass G's!  
We'll save the world any way we please!  
Get ready, get set, and here we go,  
Lemme show ya my main ho!  
  
Tifa:  
Hey fanboy, I'm up here!  
I'll kick your nuts up to your ears!  
The name is Tifa, and to make it stick,  
I hit my foes with a Waterkick!  
  
Barret:  
The name is Barret, my friends call me T,  
You want some pain, just mess with me!  
I'm slick like a penguin, got lots of charm,  
Now meet my friend Mr. Gunarm!  
I say boom, boom, boomity-boom-boom,  
A boom boom boomity do!  
  
Cloud:  
O.K. Barret, we gots to go!  
So's you don't shoot up da whole front row!  
Now, my friends, hope you're all ears,  
'Cause here's the guy ever'one fears!  
  
Vincent:  
Vincent the name, shootin' the game,  
Put dem fools in tons O' pain!  
If I get mad, best representin'  
'Cause that be when I be transformin'!  
Word!  
  
Reno:   
Reno, Reno, Turk-man strong!   
Got me a rod that's two foot long!   
Chug a 40, slam a can,   
That's why they call me the Drunk Ass Man!   
  
Elena:   
Name's Elena, I give it away!   
Tell Cloud Seph's hood every day!   
Give it away give it away give it away now!   
Give it away give it away give it away now!   
  
Rude:   
.....   
.....   
.....   
.....Word.   
  
Cid:  
The name be Cid, don't mess with me,  
Just sit on down, drink your goddamn tea!  
I worked for ShinRa, flyin' planes,  
But the plane fell apart because it rained!  
Say it with me now! @#$^! &*#! $%^&!  
  
Cloud:  
That be Cid, da funky G!  
Swears a lot and drinks his tea!  
And now da beast be super funky,  
Give it up for da rappin' Nanaki!  
  
Nanaki:  
Yo, I'm Nanaki, I'm here to say,  
Cosmo Canyon be da rappin' place today!  
Now let's get down to the nitty-gritty,  
Everybody do the Funky Kitty!  
  
Cait Sith:  
Yo, I'm Cait Sith, yes I'm the real Sith,  
Will the real Cait Sith please stand up, please stand up!  
Who's left? We got the chicks,  
So here's one looks made of sticks!  
  
Yuffie:  
You spoony cat, get on back!  
Steal your Materia and give it back!  
Well, my rhyme's phat, and my rhyme's whacked,  
So here's da chick that ain't that stacked!  
  
Aerith:  
The name is Aerith, last of da Cetra,  
Prayed for Holy as my last hurrah!  
Now I wanna cut the man some slack,  
But he shoved his sword right through my back!  
  
Cloud:  
Sephiroth, the man to know!  
It's old Seph, my brother, yo?  
So come on, peeps, throw your hands in the air!  
Wave 'em around like you just don't care!  
  
Sephiroth:  
Sephiroth! Got big-ass sword,  
Kill da Planet with a word!  
Cloud killed me, my life be over,  
so give it up for Mama Jenova!  
  
Jenova:  
The name's Jenova, my sons be clones,  
Now I buried 'neath Planet's stones!  
Now here's the man we owe it all to,  
Give it up for rappin' Hojo!  
  
Hojo:  
What up peeps, the name be Hojo!  
I got da samples, I got da mojo!  
Nanaki and Aerith, tried to breed 'em!  
Fought with Cloud, but couldn't beat 'em!  
  
Cloud:  
Yo, Hojo, get off da stage!  
You're face ain't good upon da page!  
There y'are, peeps that be all us!  
Wait, one more, that's ShinRa Rufus!  
  
Rufus:  
Yo, I am Rufus, my rhymes be wacko,  
ShinRa drain the Planet to get da Mako!  
Our plans were close to bein' complete-ier  
But they're cut short by a thing called Meteor!  
Get on down! Get on down! Get on down to Midgar!  
  
Cloud:  
There's my ho's and there's my G's,  
Baddest crew you ever sees!  
So come on, folks, and don't be lame,  
Whip out your cash and buy the game!  
I say a rip, rop, rippity-rop-rop,  
A rip rop rippity do! 


End file.
